The MGM Tour’s 16th season saw the cancellation of the Survivor Challenge and one of its majors, the Match Play Invitational, reducing the Tour schedule to 6 regular season tournaments. P-Jay Fidler, John Mann, and charter member John Frost took the season off, while Chris Moawad won a record-extending 5th Player of the Year honor. There were Tour charter member firsts in 2018 with Patrick Bird (Masters) and Tim Joe (Tour Championship) claiming their first major titles. It was at the Masters that Patrick Bird claimed the largest birdie pot in Tour history after recording the Tour’s 2nd hole-in-one.
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“That’s the saddest email I’ve received in a while. Sad but true.”
-Gerry Vaughan’s response to the Tour email requesting payment for dues upfront due to sporadic attendance.
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Golfers were slow to confirm their participation for the 2018 season, prompting the commissioner to email the following:
What do Clint Crump, Chris Moawad, and the Quiroz brothers have in common?
They are the only ones to pay their Tour dues.
Wow.
I got a lot of thoughts about all this.
Wonder what your thoughts are.
John Mann: I thought it was that they all liked the taste of Marty’s cock.
“All the events are on my kid weekends! What the hell? You do that on purpose to win POY?”
– Walter Vargas
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Envelope with Tour dues used by Gerry Vaughan
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February…
It was a strange site at the Charly Classic, what with the absence of John Frost at his own daughter’s namesake tournament. After 102 tournaments over 15 consecutive years, the charter member announced he would not play in 2018. Carding a new Charly Classic career best 39, Martin Witt won for the 2nd time in the last 3 years.
1. Witt
2. Bird
3. Moawad
“My eyes are going. Witt looks like Justin Timberlake.”
-John Mann
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March…
Unable to attract a competitive field, the Match Play Invitational was cancelled. The Tour’s first major of the season was to have marked its 15th edition.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have come back to the Tour. Did I scare everyone off?”
-Rene Quiroz
“Bunch of lame-assed fuckers.”
-Patrick Bird
“It STILL stings as if it were yesterday…. My relationship has never been the same with that guy.”
-Walter Vargas on the 10th anniversary of his upset loss to Travis Gordon in the 2008 Match Play Invitational
The Tour visited Woodley Lakes for the first time for the Devil Ball Shootout and saw Chris Moawad become the tournament’s all-time wins leader with his 3rd victory. It continued his trend of winning in even-numbered years (2014 & 2016). Patrick Bird’s seemingly inconsequential decision to withdraw from the championship round would come back to haunt him at the end of the year.
1. Moawad
T2. Witt
T2. E. Quiroz
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Marty Witt:
Devil Ball.
Palm Sunday.
Cue Willy J (dramatic) VO:
“Bola Del Diablo en la Palma el Domingo”
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April…
A year after losing a sudden death playoff, Patrick Bird carded a new career best score at Scholl to win the Masters, his first victory in a major. The win was enhanced by his hole-in-one (the 2nd in Tour history) on the 87 yard par-3 16th. His ace earned him the largest birdie pool in Tour history ($39 after 3 rollovers).
1. Bird
2. Crump
3. Vaughan
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“WHAT THE…..??!!! Witt has been winning every other tournament for the past two to three years and he STILL gets 35 strokes???? Anyone know how many swallows Witt has taken to get these handicaps from the Commish???
–Walter Masters
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“Can’t spell Walter without ‘waaaah’.”
-Martin Witt
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Patrick Bird to Gerry Vaughan: Our balls rested right next to each other.
Tim Joe: Don’t your guys’ balls always rest next to each others?
Gerry Vaughan: Mostly on my chin.
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“For the gents who got birdies, sorry.”
-Patrick Bird whose hole-in-one trumped 4 golfers with birdies and earned him the largest birdie pot ($39) in Tour history.
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Chris Moawad and Clint Crump became the 8th team in 14 editions to go wire-to-wire at the Hooters. With defending champion Moawad without last year’s partner Martin Witt, he became just the 3rd golfer ever to repeat at the Hooters. For Crump, it was his first Hooters win in its current format, a span of 14 years. The win made Moawad the Tour’s first repeat winner since 2014 when Doug Vargas successfully defended his MBC title.
1. Moawad/Crump
2. Bird/D. Vargas
3. W. Vargas/E. Quiroz
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“In other news, Martin Witt saves $160 in babysitting fees. Invests savings in his own plastic owl.”
-Defending champion Martin Witt on being unable to defend his title with Chris Moawad.
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Patrick Bird: Anyone know of a good hotel near the course? I’ll likely have to travel all the way out there the night before and stay over so I’ll have a shot at making the tee time. I don’t think I’d be too fresh for golf if I got up in the middle of the night to make the journey and the early tee time.
Doug Vargas: I’m debating whether or not to play with this guy! What a whining little bitch! Moawad never complains about driving to a tourney. Geesh!
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Ed Quiroz (arriving just in time to tee off): You excited to see me?
Walter Vargas (looking down at his own crotch): Does it show?
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June…
The Tour Championship saw Tim Joe’s 55-tournament winless streak end. It was the first major title for the charter member and just his 2nd career win. Patrick Bird was in the money yet again. After collecting the largest birdie pool in Tour history, he earned an additional $7, increasing his season total to $46 and vaulting him to 2nd place on the birdie pool money list behind Chris Moawad ($76.5).
1. T. Joe
2. Grigorian
3. Vaughan
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“Nice. Now I just gotta shank Moawad before the round. Saved me some trouble (and Clint from a bat to the leg).”
-Patrick Bird (tied for 3rd with Clint Crump for POY) on news that Crump had withdrawn from the Tour Championship.
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“So now for the inevitable question. How the hell do I have the same handicap as players with “champion” in front of their name?? Especially the same shitty strokes as the “defending champion”? That’s not even a stroke per hole against Grigore btw. It must be a misprint. Can you please fix that before the round tomorrow Willy J so I know what I’m actually dealing with before the round starts. Thanks man. You’re the best.”
-Patrick Bird
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July…
In the regular season finale, Patrick Bird won the Griffith Observatory Championship for the 2nd time in the last 3 years after carding just his 2nd sub-50 round at Roosevelt. The win left him achingly short, just 2.5 points, of Chris Moawad for Player of the Year, raising the classic ‘What if?’ regarding his decision to withdraw from the Devil Ball Shootout championship round.
1. Bird
2. Vaughan
T3. Moawad
T3. T. Joe
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“Guess I’m not willing to go to the deep dark places that you guys are with the Commish.”
-Patrick Bird to Martin Witt on why he wasn’t higher in the Player of the Year standings prior to the Griffith.
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For a record-extending 5th time Chris Moawad earned top honors as the MGM Tour’s Player of the Year. He finished the season with 2 wins (Devil Ball and Hooters) and tied for most top-3 finishes (4 in 6 tournaments).
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December…
In his record 11th Tournament of Champions invitation, Chris Moawad beat out fellow qualifiers Martin Witt, Patrick Bird, and Tim Joe to win his 3rd time Tournament of Champions. All 3 of his wins have come with him as Player of the Year. Martin Witt, playing in his 5th straight TOC, finished runner-up for the 3rd straight year, 4th in the last 5. Moawad’s latest victory, the 23rd of his career, now puts him 2 behind Armen Grigorian on the Tour’s all-time wins list.
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1. Moawad
T2. Witt
T2. T. Joe
4. Bird
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2018 Birdie Club
Bird (1) – Tour Championship, (hole-in-one at the Masters)
Chris Moawad (2) – Masters
Clint Crump (2) – Masters, Griffith
Walter Vargas (1) – Masters
Doug Vargas (1) – Masters
Birdie Pool Earnings: Bird ($46), Crump ($7)
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A review and salute to the Champions of 2018:
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Charly Classic: Martin WITT
Devil Ball Shootout: Chris MOAWAD
The Masters: Patrick BIRD
Hooters: Chris MOAWAD/Clint CRUMP
Tour Championship: Tim JOE
Griffith Observatory Championship: Patrick BIRD
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QUOTE COUNT
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Bird, 7
Walter, 4
Marty, 3
Gerry, 2
Mann, 2
Doug, 1
Ed, 1
Rene, 1
Tim, 1